GRIEF
The Definition
Simply defined, grief is the normal and natural reaction to significant emotional loss of any kind. While we never
compare losses, any list would include death and divorce as obvious painful losses. Our list also includes many others; retirement,
moving, pet loss, financial and health issues, among them.
The
range of emotions associated with grief are as varied as there are people and personalities. There is no list of feelings
that would adequately describe one person’s emotions, much less an entire society.
Grief is individual and unique. As every relationship is unique, so are the feelings and thoughts each person will
have about the relationship that has been altered by death, divorce, or for other reasons.
The
Problem
While grief is normal and natural, most
of the information passed on within our society about dealing with grief is not normal, natural, or helpful. Grief is the
emotional response to loss, but most of the information we have learned about dealing with loss is intellectual.
The majority of incorrect ideas about dealing with loss can be summed
up in six myths which are so common that nearly everyone recognizes them. Most people have never questioned whether or not
they are valid. The misinformation is best described in the following:
Six Myths
Time Heals All Wounds
Grieve Alone
Be Strong
Don’t Feel Bad
Replace the Loss
Keep Busy
Just
looking at the myth that “time heals” creates the idea that a person just has to wait and they will feel better.
We have known people who had waited 10, 20, 30, and 40 years, and still didn’t feel better. And, we know that they would
tell you that not only had time not healed them, but that it had compounded the pain. The other five myths carry equally unhelpful
messages.
The Solution
Recovery from loss
is accomplished by discovering and completing all of the undelivered communications that accrue in relationships. We are all
advised to “Let Go,” and “Move On,” after losses of all kinds. Most of us would do that if we knew
how.
Completion of pain caused by loss is what allows us to Let
Go and Move On. It is almost impossible to Move On without first taking a series of actions that lead to completion.
Before taking the actions to complete, it is important to look at and often dismiss
some of the ideas for myths that we have tried to use with loss, but are not working.
Safety and
Correct Actions
The
GriefRecovery® Outreach Program creates the safety and the
correct action choices that help people Move Beyond the pain caused by loss. It is a twelve week program, which creates a
safe environment in which to look at old beliefs about dealing with loss; to look at what other losses have affected your
life; and to take new actions which lead to completion of the pain attached to a recent loss, or one that occurred long ago.
The Grief Recovery
Handbook, The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses, (released
by HarperCollins in 1998), and an accompanying format written by Institute founders, John W. James and Russell Friedman is
used as the text for the Outreach Program.
Commitment and Attendance
The GriefRecovery® Outreach Program is not an occasional, drop-in group.
For the safety and success of all participants, commitment
and attendance are essential.
The
GriefRecovery® Outreach Program is led by Dr. Jay C. Farrar, who has been trained and
certified by The Grief Recovery Institute®.
To ensure your success within this program, your facilitator has direct access to the founders of the Institute.
43
Losses
There are 43 losses which can produce the range of emotions that we call grief.
The long list
includes:
Death of a Loved One
Divorce, or the End
of a Relationship
Loss of Health
Major Financial Changes
Moving
and many others.
Grief
is Normal and Natural but many of the ideas we have been taught about dealing with grief are not helpful.
Moving
Beyond Loss
If you have experienced one or more
losses, and you wish to move beyond the pain, this program offers you the probability of a richer and more rewarding life.